“It’s Okay to Say No”
“No” is one of the shortest words in the dictionary, yet one of the most powerful. It can also be one of the most difficult words to use. If you’ve ever struggled with saying “no”, join the club!
I am not ashamed to say I’ve often struggled with telling people “no”. Constantly needing help, due to my disability, always made me feel obligated to return a favor whenever someone requested anything of me. No matter when someone called, whether three o’clock in the afternoon or three o’clock in the morning, I readily made myself available. If someone had an event, I supported them, no matter how much pain I was in. On occasions I literally had no choice but to say no, I felt as if I’d committed a crime. No joke. The palms of my hands would be sweaty, and my stomach would be in knots! I’d question whether I let the individual down or hurt their feelings. I even questioned whether I should have just sucked it up and gone anyway. People’s comments made me feel no better. I hated getting asked if I was sure I didn’t want to go or being told that “something’s always wrong with [me]”. The comment that really strikes a chord is that I’m “too young to always be hurting”. Just thinking about someone saying that to me makes me cringe.
I can recount numerous times I’ve felt horrible, but would drag myself to events, only to be sat in a corner or left in a room by myself. That’s when the infamous thought would cross my mind, if only I ’d said no; I wouldn’t be in this situation. I would leave an event thinking, what a waste! What a waste of time. What a waste of money. And most importantly, what a waste of an OUTFIT!
Eventually, I started to notice that the people I went out of my way for weren’t doing the same for me. They didn’t show up to any of my events and had no problem at all telling ME “no”. While I experienced a ton of hurt in those moments, they taught me that if everyone else can use the word, I am not excluded from declining an invitation or not doing something for someone when I lack the time, energy, or just the desire to fulfill their request. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that saying “no” can be refreshing, and it’s essential to selfcare.
As my mom and best friend often tell me, you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable for anyone. That also applies to YOU. It’s ok not to be at every party, not to answer every phone call, or to simply take time for yourself. It’s true that such a small word can have a mighty impact. Start using it when you feel it’s necessary – you’ll be glad you said it.